So much of our lives are recorded in some form of data these days. Text messages, emails, photos… everyone has their own risk profile when it comes to how “out” they are when it comes to kink, and for many of us, this is dictated by things like our career/ our ability to make an income, our connection with our families, and our connection with personal friendships and community.
Keeping your private life - well, private - Is very important.
I highly recommend that you keep your spicy conversations separate from your text messages with your vanilla friends/family. This will prevent you from making the all too common mistake of accidentally sending a spicy text to the wrong person!
Also, for any phone numbers, you can simply look it up on caller ID and find the legal first name and last name of the person who was registered to it. Depending on who you play with, you might not want to share this type of sensitive information right off the bat.
There are lots of services out there, including Google voice (free), and Sideline ($15/mo). Personally, I’ve been using Sideline for nearly a decade and I’ve been very happy with it.
Encrypted messages ensure that only you and the recipient can read the message. Not even the company who runs the messenger can actually read your messages. This matters the most with things like data breaches - with regular texting or Gmail, your messages will be legible. However, with an encrypted messenger, the hacker will get scrambled, illegible data.
Also, regular text messages go through your carrier, such as Verizon or T-Mobile, and they can read all of your text messages or supply them to a court of law. But if it’s an encrypted messenger, even the company who runs the messenger cannot read your messages. This protects you from things like a court subpoena - they can only request the company to give whatever information they have. But if you send a subpoena to Signal, and Signal can’t actually read any of your messages, then it means the court can’t have them either. This is really important, because even if you’re not worried about being investigated by law-enforcement, what about the person you’re texting?
Also, you can sign up for Signal using your Sideline phone number for an extra layer of protection. You can also send your Signal username to someone, and it will not disclose your phone number.
Proton mail and Tutamail are popular encrypted email companies. Keep in mind however that your emails are only secure if BOTH parties are using an encrypted email system.
For example: if a Pro Domme is using proton mail, but her sub is using hotmail, and he gets into hot water with law enforcement and they gain access to his phone or emails…those messages are not actually secure.
Remember, even if it’s an encrypted message, never put anything in writing that could be interpreted as illegal. Pro Dommes - this means be careful when discussing pegging scenes, edging, etc. And for the subs reading this - if you put something stupid in writing like “do you offer pegging?” she will be obligated to say no. Try saying something that’s not illegal like, “I enjoy pegging. Is that something we could discuss at some point?”
For some people, simply having a separate phone makes things a lot easier. It can be a transition to get used to carrying two phones around all the time, and it might not be a cheap solution, but this is a great way to make sure that your vanilla life and Kink life stay separate. Separate photos, separate phone numbers, separate apps, etc.
Put it in your calendar, and once per month, go through your phone and clear out text messages, photos, videos, etc. If you’re using a service like Signal, it’s a built-in option to have your messages automatically disappear after a specific, set amount of time, such as one week or one month - or even 15 minutes!
These are just a few simple upgrades that you can make to become more cyber secure. Stay safe, and stay weird <3
Princess Raven